Monday, 28 February 2011

8.5 hours!

That is how long me and little A slept for last night. Dad wasn't far behind with 8 hours. How fantastic is that?
And now he's had breakfast and after sometime spent charming the pants of both his parents with smiles and cute gurgling sounds, he is now fast asleep in our bed. He seems to sleep better in our bed in the morning and if he is happy, I am happy!
I'm meeting with a new mother-baby group this afternoon and I am both nervous and excited. I'm actually nervous about having to host a meeting myself, which I really shouldn't worry about as that is weeks away.
Have a good day!

Sunday, 27 February 2011

Sunday treats

Lovely chocolate from New Zealand. I love the packaging, it reminds me of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. There wasn't a golden ticket inside though.

Fair trade chocolate that I bought because of the packaging as well. Luckily it tastes good too.

Friday, 25 February 2011

What I saw today

Look! A tree house!

Winter is back.

I scream, you scream, all the babies scream!

I just read this, about making ice cream out of breast milk and at first I thought "ah well, what's the harm" but then I got quite pissed off!
I'm not upset because I think it is disgusting or anything. If people are happy consuming other people's body fluids, then fine by me. Who am I to judge?
No, what makes me upset is that the breast milk could have been used in a better way. If you, as a women have the extra milk, time and patience to pump out your milk, why make ice cream out of it? Why not donate it so that premature and sick infants can get the benefit of it? Seriously, why not? Such as waste to give it to adults.
In another article, one of the women who donated her milk says that:

"...she believes that if adults realized how tasty breast milk actually is, then new mothers would be more willing to breast-feed their own newborns."
Wow! The ignorance! Yes, the reason why some women don't breastfeed their babies is that they believe that it tastes nasty. On top of this silly statement, the women, Victoria Hiley works with women who have problems breast-feeding their babies. I really hope that Victoria has been misquoted or that it has been taken out of context. Furthermore, the ice cream is made with vanilla and lemon, so perhaps that is what makes it tasty.
I don't breastfeed myself and I will write a separate post on that subject, but suffice to say I didn't decide not to do it because I thought that it tastes vile.

Thursday, 24 February 2011

A vomit free day

My visit at work went very well! There was no vomit, only lots of smiles. I was quite nervous going there, for lots of different reasons that I won't bore you with, but everything went smoothly.
Actually, when I think of it, there has been no vomit at all today. Is that a first? (Since the baby was born, of course. I have had plenty of vomit free days myself.)


…is not what I feel emotionally at this time in my life. However, my tummy has gone numb! Due to the pregnancy I assume. I have never heard of this before and it is bit of a surprise. My tummy is fairly flat by now and my sister says that I have an average Joe-kind of tummy, meaning that most people have a muffin top and that is what I got now. I didn’t use to, but hey! that is what happens. I have some loose skin though and I guess that will take some time before it improves. But when I touch my tummy it is like touching your foot or another body part when it is sleeping. The hand can feel the tummy, but the tummy can’t really feel the hand. I guess this is because the skin has been stretched so much that the nerves have been disconnected and don’t work properly.
Apart from being numb my tummy looks nothing like it used to. I knew this would happen of course, but I thought that it would bother me more than it does. I really don’t care. I want to get back in shape but I don’t care about the stretch marks, I’ll just wear a bathing suit the few days a year I spend on the beach.

My birthday

My pressies! I got some lovely shower gel and stuff from Crabtree and Evelyn called Spider Lilly and I just love the smell! It's one of those where when you smell it on somebody you can't be quite sure if it is artificial or if it is the persons own smell. Don't know if that makes sense or just sounds weird.

Breakfast in bed! Best croissants ever from a local bakery.
Well, now I'm off to visit my work with the little baby. I cross my fingers for a vomit free few hours.

Tuesday, 22 February 2011

Accepting the present moment- or have a cup of coffee

The cute one has begun to wake up around 5 am instead of 6 am and it kind of makes a difference. I am fine with 6 o'clock, but 5 is pushing it a bit too far. So the days are spent trying to get the baby to sleep for a longer period of time so that I can do something else than holding him and looking at him. At the moment this is going well (touch wood), he is sleeping on his own as we speak, but generally it is a bad idea to want a baby to do something that it is not doing. That is not the way forward. It is not out of spite that they do the opposite, but my theory is that it has to do with accepting the present moment. When you don't do that, i.e. wanting the current situation to be different, you get stressed and I am sure that babies pick up on that. The more you wish that the baby would sleep, the more stressed you will get and the less the baby will sleep.
What I try to do is to accept that he doesn't want to sleep or that he only wants to sleep on me and it kind of works. Whenever I think "Fine, sleep on me forever and ever then", he goes into a deeper sleep and I can put him down.
However, when that doesn't work, it helps with a cup of coffee.

Monday, 21 February 2011

Hope for the future

I had a terrific weekend!
I had some friends over for dinner Saturday evening because it is my birthday later this week. Little boy went out with his dad and met some friends so it was an evening of talking without interruptions and eating with two hands. I mean, my friends did interrupt me and I did use a knife and fork.
Yesterday some other friends who hadn't seen the little miracle yet came over and they brought cake and their own little miracle who is 1,5 years old. Wow! He was very curious and had lots of energy and charmed the pants of me.
This weekend made me feel normal again and gave me hope that it is possible to have a somewhat fun life and a baby at the same time.

Friday, 18 February 2011

Motherhood teaches me to... be grateful for the smaller things in life. I am all giddy as I have this morning so far been able to:
-blow dry hair
-put on make-up
-practice a bit of yoga
-had breakfast
and now I am writing this and having my mandatory coffee and toast.

Thursday, 17 February 2011


…is not what I feel for my baby. What I feel for him is so much bigger than that. Love is a tiny little word, which does not do my feelings justice. I have no idea what to call the feeling but it is like a colossal bond or attachment that will never disappear.
This feeling took me by surprise at first, mainly because of its size but also because I realised that my baby will not feel the same about me. This is the mother of non reciprocal love (pun intended). I assume that he will love me, but I don’t feel like this towards my parents. I love them, but I don’t have this massive feeling towards them. I think this kind of love only goes one way.
It’s pretty cool.

What I saw today

Petals from tulips that I threw out today.

Like a fashion show- without the glamour but with bodily fluids

Yesterday the little one managed to wear 7 different outfits. I went through two and my husband three.

Wednesday, 16 February 2011

To jinx or not to jinx

I am writing this with the baby lying on a big red pillow covered by a blanket with sheep on it, on my lap and I am rocking him from side to side by slowly moving my legs. He is smiling in his sleep.

I was inspired today by something Underbara Clara wrote. It was about looking forward to good things that will happen in the future without being afraid of jinxing it. She refers to her pregnancy and how people have asked her about her blogging about it and decorating a nursery. Wasn’t she scared that something might go wrong? Clara’s reply is that one will not be punished for looking forward to something and being happy about it before it happens.

I agree that there will be no punishment for being happy in advance. Nor will one be rewarded for having worried about things.

Nevertheless, I don’t think I would have blogged about my pregnancy and I did not decorate a nursery. We don’t have a spare room, so there was a practical aspect to it too. But I didn’t even assemble the cot. It was still in its box when we came home from the hospital. Looking back, it wasn’t that clever as the first hours and days at home were chaotic enough without trying to assemble IKEA furniture. I knew that it wouldn’t be clever, but I couldn’t stand the thought of potentially having to take it apart because our baby didn’t make home with us from the hospital. So I left it unassembled.

During the pregnancy I had a hard time understanding that there really was a baby inside of me and that he would come out and live with us. When he finally did come out and I could see him between my legs, I said in a truly surprised voice:
-Look it is a baby! It’s our baby!

I hadn’t really been excited about him coming, as I couldn’t picture it. It was like it was too big of a thing for me to grasp, that I was going to be so lucky as to have a child.

So, I didn’t do what Clara did, being happy in advance. Not so much because I was afraid to jinx anything, but more as a way of being respectful of the greatness that was happening within me. In Buddhism, suffering is caused by ascribing permanence to the world, which is in fact impermanent. In other words, nothing is permanent; everything will change, whether for the better or the worse. For me this translates to not taking anything for granted as it could change at any moment. It also means to be grateful for what is right now.

The secret is to not let the “not take for granted” change into worry. Worry is always unnecessary but acknowledgement of impermanence is crucial. My baby is not held alive by me worrying that he might die but at the same time I must not take for granted that he will live. So far, motherhood seems to be a constant exercise in finding the balance between the two.

Tuesday, 15 February 2011

What I saw today

Early moring activities

By 5.30 this morning the precious one had peed on me and soaked me in throw up. When we both had changed clothes and he was lying in my arms, he smiled from ear to ear. I won't say it makes it all worth it, but it does help.
He is asleep now and I just finished my coffee and toast and I'm pondering if I dare thinking about making some plans for today.

Monday, 14 February 2011


…is also a common feeling in motherhood. And fatherhood, I assume. The little one is 6 weeks old tomorrow and me and his father is getting to know him better and better. He does, however change a lot and it is hard to know if these changes are good ones or bad ones. Or more to the point, something might seem good on the surface, but is it really? An example of this is that the little one has had a habit of waking up once a night, around 2-3 am. However, two nights in a row he has not woken up, but has slept through the night. That seems like a good thing, right?
Well, I don’t know. It could be and I do appreciate that I should be grateful for a baby that sleeps through the night. But in combination with that he hasn’t been eating as much as he has been (and what is that all about? We have spoken to the health visitor and she says to not to worry as it is probably temporary), is it a sign that he is ill? I do not know. He seems fine in all other aspects.
Anyway, we decided that we would wake him and give him a bottle if he hadn’t woken up by 3 am. So how crazy is this, at 3 am my alarm went off and I woke up a sleeping baby.
He took the intrusion very well and was happy to eat. So what can one conclude from that? Absolutely nothing! There is no way to know if he had woken up on his own accord 30 minutes later or if he would have kept sleeping.
Having said that, I am happy that I woke him up as he did eat. But at the same time, I don’t know if it is mega crazy to wake a sleeping baby...
And since I don’t know, I am left to worry about it...

Friday, 11 February 2011

What I also saw yesterday

How cool is this! A statue of Buddha, not exactly in the middle of nowhere, but in a place that one wouldn't expect there to be a Buddha statue.
I wish I had a better memory because then I could write something clever about Buddhism. I'll just tell you what the four noble truths are:
  1. Thus is the Noble Truth of Suffering
  2. Thus is the Noble Truth of the Origin of Suffering
  3. Thus is the Noble Truth of the Cessation of Suffering
  4. Thus is the Noble Truth of the Path that leads to the Cessation of Suffering
One might think that the first truth represents a very pessimistic outlook on life but I find it quite reassuring; it confirms my view of the world. The other truths tell you how to make it better. However, it ain't easy, so you might as get use to that life is a bitch.

Postpartum craving

Paddington bear and I share the love of marmalade. I don't know what kind that is his favourite, but I definitely got a thing for orange marmalade at the moment. It is almost a bit OCD-like right now as I have to have two slices of toast with orange marmalade and a cup of coffee as my second breakfast. My first breakfast consists of porridge in different shapes and flavours, more healthy.

I have never really been a fan of the fruity, sugary spread before so it seems like I have developed a postpartum craving. I didn't have any during the pregnancy so I guess it is fair enough.

Thursday, 10 February 2011

What I have seen so far today

Another day, another walk

At home


...seems to be a regular feature of motherhood.
I have no idea how I will be sure that I do what my baby wants me to do. But having said that, I guess that is part of his development, as there is no way one can get it right all the time.
He has fallen asleep in my lap and I don't dare to move him although I am quite keen to continue with my breakfast, the next instalment being coffee and toast. The first part consisted of porridge with blueberries and raspberries made with soyamilk and a large cup of tea.

Wednesday, 9 February 2011

What I saw today

During our daily walk

Not so much what I saw but what the baby was staring at for a long time. It is a brown wool blanket on the sofa against a white wall. Obviously very exciting.