I am having a bit of a problem every now and then. I get really insecure when somebody comments on Little A. Nobody has ever said anything nasty or mean, but I still get anxious. Little A is a long and slim baby, he is about the same length as babies 2-3 months older, but weighs about the same as his peers. I sometime worry about him not eating enough. The health visitor keeps telling us that he is a lovely baby who is fine as he is active and curious. I, however still think that he could be a bit chubbier.
That is the problem right there. I want him to be something else. He is absolutely fine the way he is, so there is no reason for him to be anything else. But apparently, I am not happy about the way he is. And that makes me sad and upset. Why don't I accept him the way he is? I don't say anything to him and I let him feed the way he wants to, but I catch myself making excuses for him. Or perhaps not excuses, but saying something about his weight before anybody else get a chance, to like make clear that I am aware of his slimness. To sort of deflect attention from it, I guess.
He is a great baby and I am totally in love with him and have a bond with him that I have never experienced with anybody else before. But when somebody is making a comment about him, I start to think that maybe he isn't good enough, which is awful of me. I am suppose to be his rock and love him unconditionally, but am I if I am doubting him?
I know I can't protect him from future (potentially) nasty comments, but I want to be the person he can come to because he will know that I love him no matter what and I will make him feel better. But what if I can't do that?