For the delight of it

The picture is of me three days before I went into labour. I was almost a week overdue and lots of women think that those last weeks are horrible. But I didn't mind it. He wouldn't come out any faster anyway even if I was fed up, so I just relaxed into it.

During my pregnancy I took more care of myself than I have ever done before. I listened to myself and didn't do things that I didn't feel like. I took a lot of exercise and practised yoga several times a week and during the last 2 months almost every day.

I was surprised by how limited I felt, there were so many things I couldn't do and that I missed. I came to think about how amazing my body is and all the things it could do if I only trained it. So I vowed that when I was done being pregnant and had recovered from birth, I would learn to do a handstand.

Inversions in yoga (headstands and handstands) scare the shit out of me. It's not that I just dislike them, like I do with some other poses too. I'm scared out of my mind. I can't control my breathing anymore, I get sweaty palms (I get sweaty palms now, just writing about it), I don't know what is up or down and my adrenalin is pumping. Not a good starting point when doing a fairly difficult pose. I have been up lots and lots of times, against the wall or somebody helping me. But it has always been in spite, I have always struggled and I have done it against myself.

So when I was pregnant and couldn't do any inversions I promised myself that I would practise and practise so that I one day can do a handstand without thinking that I would die. (This is so far out, every time I write "handstand" my palms get sweaty!)

I won't practise because it is "cool" or because it gives you cred in the yoga world to do advanced poses, I will do it for the delight of it. Right now I can't spot the delight, but I will find it. I'll keep you posted.